i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
