Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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