Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
