i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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