what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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