Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
