I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize