I think im going to throw up on grandma
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
