remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
