I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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