I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
