So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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