I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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