i just wanna soil my oats bro
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
