My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
