Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
