i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
