Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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