why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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