Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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