New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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