Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
