he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
