i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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