oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
