Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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