i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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