the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
