I just cut my nipple shaving
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
