There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
