so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
