my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
