you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
