yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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