He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
