I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
