ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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