woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he had hair everywhere except his balls
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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