Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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