dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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