Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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