Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
