My liver just broke up with me...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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