I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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