you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
