It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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