I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize