There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They took my balls.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
