my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
