Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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