you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
