clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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