dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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