She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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