absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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