Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
