wanna go halves on a baby?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
