apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
