I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
