Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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