can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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