sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
