Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
