I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
